Puritanism

Mysore, India

Suzanne and I checked into the Indus Valley Ayurvedic Center. After all it seems like a logical thing to do. We have been on the road for almost four months now so a respite of some sort seemed warranted. Additionally, the mysterious word "Ayurvedic" has been flashed before our eyes on a constant stream of signs and flyers. Taxis and rickshaw drivers have continually asked us “You want Ayurvedic?”

It would have been silly to come all this way and leave without at least some knowledge of this odd sounding word. As I have come to learn “Ayrvedic” is an ancient form of medicine evolved in India. Ayrvedic doctors are able to cure both the ailments you bring to their attention and those that you only find out about during the course of treatment.

Seated in a Spartan office and armed only with a scale and an unused stethoscope the doctor asked me about my health. Believing myself to be generally healthy I told her that I had almost no complaints but that my back has been a chronic source of problems over the years. She made a cursory note of this. I have since concluded that she also diagnosed me with a puritanical cultural heritage and prudishness.

Though the treatment I received seems to have had something to do with my back it was my other ailments that were both treated and completely cured.

The smell of incense and the delicate glow of an oil lamp greeted me along with the two warm smiles of my therapists on my first treatment.

“You change.” A loin cloth barely the requisite 9 ½ inches in the front and with nothing more substantial than dental floss on the sides and back landed in my hand.

What is an experienced traveler to do other than pretend that he is not in the least bit shocked? So I stood all but naked in a dimly lit room. Only now did I notice the ropes hanging from the ceiling and the wooden slab of a table in the center. In the far corner sat a stove with pots of heated oil. The smiles of my therapists grew.

With the broad sweep of a hand toward the table I was told, “Yes, you lie down now.”

My naked butt felt cold on the heavily varnished wood and I absently wondered why the table had gutters and several drain holes at either end. If I had been thinking clearly it would have been obvious. Me naked, two other men, hot oil and a table with drainage (at this point the ropes on the ceiling did not come into play.)

Lubricated and smooth as a ball bearing I was pushed, pulled and bounced around the table as if it was the most natural thing in the world. The experience might have been cathartic or even relaxing had my mind not kept slipping back to its puritan Christian heritage, “I am 99.5% naked, slathered in oil, in a dark room, two men whom I have never met are pulverizing my body and there are ropes hanging from the ceiling.”

“Yes you lie on floor now.”

It is hard to argue or even put up a struggle without friction. The mere act of climbing down from the table required all my balance, coordination and will power. The floor very quickly became the most logical place to be. Though I had parted company with friction I was still in the grasp of gravity.

This then is how I came to be lying on the floor, slathered in oil as two men whose names I never did get walked over my body while using ropes on the ceiling for balance.

Several days later my back does not feel noticeably different though I think that my other problems are greatly diminished.

Thread Garden

There is one and only one place in all of southern India where you can see your breath in the cool of the evening and Ooty is that place. Though we have boiled, roasted, sweated, cooked, and even suffered a bit, the cool weather here is not the reason we chose to stop in Ooty. We came to Ooty for the Thread Garden Flower Show. For a mean 30 rupees (about 75 cents) the Flower Show promised,

"You can see inside the great "thread garden" a world miracle in art creation moving to Guinness record. Introducing for the first time in world a very natural looking embroidered garden full of beutiful plants, flowers, grass, lotus ponds etc. Exclusively designed using embroidery threads measuring more than 60 million meter in length with the highly skillful, strainful and minute hand craftsmanship of 50 specially trained artists for 12 years without touching a single needle or any other machinery, but really challenging a computer machine like perfection.

You don't miss the chance to see the Ooty's uniques and major attraction which is the highest art creation ever born in world." [sic]

To our untrained eyes this world wonder look like little more than a collection of poorly lit fake flowers in need of a dusting. Fortunately however, the infinite wisdom and of the creators supplied us with a collection of signs insuring our enlightenment and guaranteeing that we would have the necessary education to appreciate the wonder before our eyes.

1. Introducing for the first time in the world, a very natural looking comprising of many natural models of plants and flowers, creepers, climbers, lawns, lotus ponds etc. in the most natural ambience.

2. Challenging a computerised machinery like perfection with the skillful effort of 50 specially trained artists for 12 years.

3. Through many scientific and artistic observations and experiments, developed and perfected, using our self invented technology of hand wound embroidery' unknown hitherto without needles or machinery

4. Consuming nearly 400 shade and plain natural coloured embroidery threads measuring more than 60 million metres in length for the colour spectrum in order to get natural color combinations, printing or painting has never been entertained.

5. All parts or plant such as flower petals, leaves and stems are fully wound with thread using shaped stiff canvas bases inside for flowers and leaves, and steel or copper wires for stems and handwinding embroidery system.

6. It is the most minute and sensational crafts manship with keen concentration coupled with patience, keeping machineperfection avoiding any overlapping or knots or gaps.

7. In processing, it is possible that if we rotate our fingers holding thread in certain position and speed around the shaped canvas base, a machine like perfection can be brought out.

8. Designs, colours and shades are adapted as far as possible from the nature and are designed making use of different natural coloured embroidery threads. Since machine or needles are not involved, the operations demands long time and intense labour.

9. The garden enjoys the monopoly of the top attraction with its innovative aesthetic creation, since no similar one to compare and to compete.

10. In all respects thread garden can be rated as the highest art creation of manual effort, that ever brought about successfully in the world.

11. Every piece of art creation is an imaginative expression of nature either as it is, or in a permutation of forms, light, shades and patterns. Thread garden is a success story of this formidable challenge making artificial pieces of flora look nature, is the real challenge.

12. As an artistic creation par-excellence challenging the human imagination, it occupies the position of unique and innovative miracle in this era.

13. Now this wonderful discovery “thread garden” showers tremendous surprise and immense pleasure to thousands of tourists from all over world really tourists adore this millennium miracle.

14. Far beyond human imagination we are proud to introduce “THREAD GARDEN” as a world miracle in art creation. Once seen, memory will not willingly let it pale. It has been recommended to the Guinness record.

15. This wonderful “THREAD GARDEN” exclusively designed by the artist namely Mr. Antony Josaph from kerala. He is the first to discover and practice “Hand wound embroidery system” without needles or machinery. We thank you and welcome your valuable suggestions and enquiries.
[sic]

Thanks to these insightful signs our 15 minutes in the Thread Garden taught us that we were indeed seeing more than just some artificial flower and dust.

In other news, I have revoked Suzanne’s Canadian citizenship after she again and again noted that the weather here in Ooty is cold.

Does not translate

Varkala India
"Golden Stream" is not the best name for a brand of bottled water.
"Golden Stream" is the best brand of bottled water in Varkala India.

Pictures from Africa

http://web.mac.com/flashflyer/iWeb/Africa2006

On Vacation

Varkala India
A more hardened and intrepid traveler would scoff at the idea of a vacation in the middle of a global oddesy. I am certain that Capt. Shackleton would mock my pathetic mealie mouthed, pampered ass for even considering a respite after so little adversity.

Fortunately for me Capt. Shackleton is dead and I am not.

In Varkala the beach stretches leisurely into the hazy horizon. Rambling stairways wind down to the sand from the tired cliffs above. When the sun finally gets around to setting each night it is far too lazy to put on any kind of a show. Instead it simple blushes red before going to sleep in the sea. Cables dangling electric light come to life along the clifftop and the day's catch of fresh fish is arranged for viewing by the various restaurants. Strolling along Suzanne and I debate the merits of a glassy eyed marlin with a protective tomato impaled on its nose. We settle instead on smaller red snapper and begin discussions on how it might be cooked.

"Wrapped in banana leaf. Steamed with masala. Very good!" With a smile that says 'Trust me, I know what I'm talking about' our fish seller/restaurateur entices us into his establishment.
Dinner arrives complete with french fries and soda water with fresh lemon.

The problem here is not how long we should stay but rather how to leave.