Life is a Beach

On Bottle Beach in Thailand the days travel in cycles. There can be no clear start nor end to a description of time here but, like a circle, if you are to try and describe the thing then one must just pick a point and go until you have returned to that same point. 8:00 a.m. It still seems that no matter how hard I exert myself and no matter what forms of mental discipline I practice I still open my eyes between seven and eight in the morning. Fortunately, the fan in my room is still on at this time and will not shut off with the rest of the electricity for another two or three hours. I do the only rational thing a man can do in this situation and I go back to sleep. 10:00 When the electricity goes off this my default alarm clock on Bottle Beach. Any dawn mosquitos that might have over exerted themselves into the late morning have given up and it is safe to pull aside the mosquito net and stumble to the shower. The water in the shower is neither hot or cold but manages to be just invigorating enough to move my feet out the door of my beach hut and down the few sand-covered stairs and into the communal beach house for breakfast. 11:00 It is, of course, important to maintain proper nutrition when living on the beach and breakfast is among the three most important meals of the day. Because the heat has started to exert itself at this hour an iced coconut shake is the wisest introduction to the day. Coffee is an option at this point but I find it unadvisable given the coming heat. A bowl of fresh fruit with yogurt rounds out breakfast, which should always be eaten slowly while watching the beach and the surf. At this particular beach, watching the waves is not really on option as the ocean is about as still as a bathtub before small children get in it to play. 12:30 With breakfast complete the real work of the day is at hand. At this point many people find it advisable to lie on the beach and brown in the sun. I however, find that the sand gets in my toes so instead I pull up several traditional Thai cushions and recline on the floor on the communal hut. The hut has been designed to accommodate this with low tables, and a shaded and view to the horizon. Reading and playing backgammon with some of the more permanent residents of Smile Guest house is the next order of business though, like everything here, it should not be pursued with excessive vigor. 4:00 As with breakfast, lunch is also among the day’s most important meals. I find that westernized Thai food is the best lunch option and depending on the various levels of inertia it is occasionally feasible to wonder down the beach to sample the food and culture of the other guesthouses. It could be argued that true (instead of westernized) Thai food would be more appropriate. There are two faults with this reasoning. First, the beach has many more western beach bums than Thai beach bums and thus westernized and mildly spice Thai food is easier to find. Second, true Thai food is likely turn the inside of your skull into an inferno and twelve hours later your butt is likely to suffer the same fate. 5:30 Now is an excellent time to take a swim or walk on the beach. The human body needs exercise to stay health and too much sitting around is not conducive to a long life. Also the evening mosquitos are likely to put in an appearance but since they cannot swim and have difficulty flying in the ocean breezes the line between sand and sea is the best place to be at this particular time of day. 7:00 Dinnertime is now at hand. Not unlike breakfast and lunch this is an excellent time to have a cold beer. It is also an excellent time to take a seat under an electric light where geckos and insects engage in a blood sport to rival anything the Romans ever considered. These nightly battles are fought to the death, the geckos invariably win and the entertainment value surpasses anything on western television. 8:00 Reading, talking and playing board games should dominate the rest of the evening provided that the each of these activities is accompanied by a cold beer and that any perceived victory of the geckos is duly noted and acknowledged. 10:00 As the saying goes, “early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise.” The electricity is back on in the bungalow and given my strenuous schedule an early evening is generally a good idea.