USA, Cleveland OH

Cleveland a.k.a. Heaveland a.k.a. The Mistake by the Lake a.k.a. The Void

Letter to an old friend prior to departure:

Are you still in Cleveland?

If so, let me know. I will be in town later this month.

Reply:

Sorry to hear that you'll be in Heaveland.

Actually, if you haven't been there, it's not too

bad. Hopefully you won't have one of those storied

e-mails that you usually send out after your visits

to other places such as Texas.

Sometimes it is hard to say which is worse: the plane ride or the place that the plane decides to stop.

Woman with no life looking for last friendship on an airplane: So do you live in Cleveland?

Businessman who likes nothing and mocks everything: No

Woman: Are you going to Cleveland on business?

Businessman: Yes.

Woman: I used to live in Cleveland. Ten years was enough thank you. Don’t get me wrong. Cleveland is not a bad place. I live in Denver now. Is that were you live?

Businessman: Yes.

The drive from the hotel to the client is no more interesting than any other drive through suburbia. The houses are almost identical but not quite. The streets are almost in good repair. The weather is almost nice but just a little overcast.

Client: Where do you live?

Bored traveler: Boulder Colorado

Client: That must be a cool place to live. Are you guys hiring?

Traveler: I don’t know. You would have to ask HR. Don’t you like living here?

Client: Cleveland is OK I guess…

As a city Cleveland has dodged the laws of metaphysics and sits in neither, The Inferno, nor Purgatory nor Paradise. It is nowhere and yet it is not quite nothing. Travelers’ descriptions of Cleveland are confused and contradictory just as Buddhist descriptions of the void are like the sound of one hand clapping.

Perhaps if I had stayed longer the emptiness and nothingness of Cleveland would have shown me a path to a higher level of understanding. Instead my journey ended with a shrug, a scratch, and a plane ride home.