USA, Johnson City, Tennessee

Toothless hillbillies, illiterate Bible wielding priests, banjoes, and the words “squeal like a pig.”

I set off for the Smoky Mountains of Tennessee with an undeniable sense of ill ease and thoughts of cutting off my ponytail.

For the record: I did not cut my hair, I did not need to squeal, the Smoky Mountains are more like hills, and at least some of the preachers can read or at least the one sitting next to me on the plane looked pensively at the Bible as we plummeted back to earth. However, it is none of these things that now come to my mind when I recall my trip. Rather it is the drinks I think about.

Hillbillies are not made toothless with pliers, baseball bats, or any other kind of solid object. It is from the ‘sweet tea.’ As an ignorant westerner I had asked, “What’s Sweet Tea?”

“Ya’all dun have Sweet Tea?! We’s just gunna have’t get yous some them.”

“Is it just tea with sugar? We got that.”

“You’uns don’t know nutten but that’s ok. Yous gottu boil du tea. Then yous put du sugar in. If yous just put sugar in du cold tea it dun get sweet.”

“OK I guess I need to try it then.”

“If yous really want’en some’en gooood then yous put a little shine in.”

“Shine?”

“Don’t yous worry none ‘bout that. One thing at’a time.”

A super jumbo Styrofoam cup, and two gulps of Sweet Tea later my teeth fell out of my skull and sank to the bottom of the cup. As a child I once stuck my tongue into the sugar bowl. The two experiences have nothing in common.

Haller Creek Tea is not the same thing as sweet tea. (Translation note: Haller=Hollow=Valley or Canyon) Haller Creek Tea is Shine not tea. While a gulp of Sweet Tea may cause your teeth to fall out a gulp of Haller Creek Tea may cause third degree burns to the inside of your throat, a loss of balance and a blinding headache several hours later. I was concerned that Haller Creek Tea might cause blindness but my concern were put to rest, “If yous worried yous can light it. T’aint no problem ifit burn blue.”