A question

In Chennai I reconnected with an old friend. Since that time Vengadessin has read my blog postings and has sent me his insights into my experiences as I fumble around India. I see India as an outsider looking in. I try to understand what happens to me each day and I occasionally share my joys and suffering with those little bits of the world that seem interested. Vengadessin, on the other hand, is able to do something that I will never be able to manage; he is able to watch me watching. Though everyone who reads these words watches me watching he is watching me from within the India I find so enigmatic, maddening, loathsome and totally irresistible. Vengadessin sent me the following email after one of my posts:

Hello Eric,

It seems to me you're more at home in India than

in the US. Good, as long as you're enjoying it.

I'd like to know whether you'd travelled the whole

of the US like you do India. Again, I'm curious.

I'm sure you wouldn;t want to travel in Tamilnadu

now because it's become terribly hot over here. And

everywhere people are swearing... the heat is somuch.

Nothing more to add. Bye.

Your friend,

N Vengadessin

All fair questions and ones that I have studiously avoided asking myself because they point in so many directions that I do not always want to look. “Am I more at home in India than I am in the US?” I suppose that the answer to this question depends on what you mean by ‘at home.’ Suzanne once described me as "A FUCKING TURTLE!" ( Without asking I had rented out our house and told her we would be traveling for a year.) My home is on my back and I take it where ever I go. Though I do not think that she meant this as a compliment I am happy to take it as such. That I might find peace in myself instead of in my surroundings is an appealing idea and I wish it were always true. Sadly however, I only aspire to being a turtle. In the bad times I spend hours, days and sometimes weeks wishing for a burger, a beer and an understanding of what the people at the next table are saying.

“Have I traveled the whole of the US like I have India?” No I haven’t. Even the states near where I live remain largely unexplored. Sure I have bounced from place to place in the US. My old job in software sent me from the armpit to the asshole of the Great United States. In some ways this was a great way to see the country. El Paso Texas and Winona Mississippi tell you a lot but even I know that if you want to get to know a person or a place the parts with the greatest stench are not the best places to start. I have seen a lot of the US but not like India. The next question of course is “Why not?” I do not have an insightful answer to this, only that I find India far more interesting. I am sure Vengadessin would be enthralled with New York and awestruck with the Grand Canyon (I was when I saw them both) but which place is more interesting is ultimately a subjective question and I vote for India.

Lastly, as for the heat in Tamilnadu I am perfectly willing to take Vengadessin’s word. We were in there in December and it was hot enough then. My occasional turtle shell does not have air conditioning and though I do not doubt that the heat would add an interesting element I am happy to forgo the experience at least until I complete some renovations.