Air Mauritius

I would rather hitch a ride with Icarus himself than spend another moment on Air Mauritius.

I will accept that the safety record of Air Mauritius is slightly better than the 100% fatality rate of Icarus Air but even with this trivial fact in mind I would prefer to fly on wings of wax then subject myself to the relentless psychological torture employed by the marketing team for Mauritius.

“Safety is important. You should pay attention to our safety video. Our safety video shows you how to make this a safe flight. For safety you should fasten your seat belt. Sudden decompression is bad. You should breathe though the mask if this happens. This is why we won’t let you sleep on the floor. Sudden decompression is bad.”

(The volume on the in-flight PA system rises to compensate for the engine noise)

“We have created a safety video for you to watch. This is not medical advice. We used doctors and lawyers to create this video. Now we will show you how to give yourself a twenty minute massage; start with your shoulders…”

Twenty minutes later my neighbour had placed his ripe nylon socks back on the floor and the communal massage had ended.

“Mauritius is a great place for a vacation. We have created a twenty minute promotional video to tell you all about Mauritius.”

I asked the flight attendant, “We are all leaving Mauritius. Why are we watching a video on having a vacation in Mauritius?”

I was helpfully told, “We show the same video to the people going to Mauritius.”

“But if all the people on the plane are already going to Mauritius why show them a video telling them to go?”

This last question was not well received and earned me a scowl, “We will be showing you a landing video shortly.”

“What if you just turned off the sound and let people who where interested listen on head phones?”

With on sense of irony I was told, “Then people would not listen.”