I don't thnk I could do that

Khajuraho is a temple complex in India. It is also a measure of my provincial mind and my inability to envision a world beyond the customary and ordinary. I have always seen sex in much the same way that others around me have see it. Two people (usually from opposite genders) get together for a little fun. They have a few drinks, spend some money on dinner then roll around and grunt a bit. At the end they both make pathetically distorted faces and remark on each others greatness. If they are French then perhaps there is a cigarette at the end, though I believe that this particular denouement has been outlawed in the People’s Republic of Boulder (aka Boulder Colorado, USA.)

And so with my conventional wisdom, inexperience and with my equally unenlightened wife I traveled to the famed city of Khajuraho. The city of Khajuraho would be one iota more lively than a torpid fish left in the desert sun were it not for its ancient Hindu temples. It is to see these temples and more specifically the education they offer that cause tourists to flock to this speck of nothing on the Indian subcontinent. And the education is all about sex: how to do it, what to do it with, and most importantly where to put your head.

I have seen:

It is possible for one man and three women to have sex in the most miraculous of positions. The man stands on his head with his thighs spread 180 degrees apart so that they run parell to the ground. Then with his erection pointing directly toward the sky the first of the three women sits on the platform he has created. Obviously this is an unstable position and without the assistance of the two accompanying women this bizarre structure would come crashing down in a painful interruption to the coitus. The role then of the two assistant women is to hold the legs of the happy couple so that they are able to maintain the difficult balance this position requires. To leave this situation as it is currently described however, would be both sad and unjust to the attending woman. After al,l group sex should make everyone happy. To this end the upside down man standing on his head dexterously uses each of his hands to fondle and massage the two assistants between their legs. Of course this means that all of his weight and his partner's weight (who is sitting between his legs) is now being channeled through the top of his skull and what must be an astoundingly powerful neck. Perhaps the only feat that this man cannot seem to manage is happiness. He appears positively pained.

This then in the great travesty of Khajuraho. One man gifted with both strength and flexibility, and finding himself in an orgy with three stunning women is not able to achieve bliss or even a moderate amount of enjoyment. Is it any wonder that other Khajuraho carvings show men having sex with a small horse? Both the men, there are two of them, look exuberant, though a watching woman holds her hands to her face in horror. I have absolutely no idea what the horse might be thinking.

I have tried to learn from my time here but I simply cannot bring myself to learn what appears to be the obvious lesson, "It is better to have sex with a horse than it is to have an orgy with three voluptuous women each with high round breasts, flawless skin, a firm rump and a seductive gaze. " Looking deeper into the meaning of the carvings there is another possible lesson that I am a little more prepared to accept, "It is better to have sex with a horse than to stand on your head no matter what the enticements might be."

Though I may now be a little wiser from my time in Khajuraho I am still left with the question, "Why was it necessary to build so many temples for such on obscure bit of wisdom?" I can only trust that there is more to this understanding than I have yet uncovered but from now on I will not be standing on my head no matter what kind of enticement Suzanne offers.

Post Script: Suzanne has pointed out that the pained look on the man's face many actually be one of those peculiar faces men make when they are at their happiest. This latest theory may force a re-evaluation of the temples.